Winter Blues and Other Depressing Ramblings

So it's been a whole month since my last update, and yes, I'm still probably insane. But one has to suppose that one has to be to survive my current living situation.
I'm thankful to my friends and boyfriend for giving me a source of social interaction that doesn't quack.

Lately the dreams I've been having are leaving me more tired than if I were to skip sleeping altogether.
They're probably due to cabin fever. But I'd rather suffer from that than trying to go anywhere in this cold, gray, overcrowded state.
I honestly don't think I could stand living in a big city if the semi-podunk population of Northern Utah is too much for me. My mind boggles that a few years back I was slaving away in DisneyWorld and managed to walk out of there upright.
Of course,  this paranoia of people is probably also brought on by my isolating myself.

I delight in the fact that we've finally had some sunlight in the last couple of days. It's giving me more incentive to get out of bed in the mornings.
Sunlight and my sweet Will. I am in great need of more of both.

Perhaps with another week or so I can finally come out of hibernation and get to work on some of the projects I've wanted to undertake.

I'm attempting to learn acoustic guitar. But it's dreadfully slow when I have no musical experience. I have to wonder just how I managed to get out of piano lessons when I was surrounded by friends who had to take them when I was growing up.
My mother would certainly have wanted to show other parents just how 'cultured' and talented I was. As was the case in my getting stuck in ballet.

I'm afraid I'm already falling away from the video games that Will got me for Christmas. I just can't seem to find the ability to sit and play by myself any more.

The ideas for the roleplay I was working on seem to just have fizzled out amongst other matters, sadly.
But then, I can't even come up with decent characters or storylines any more. It's all just half-hearted dribble.
Have I reached that state that I feared as a child? I always had the idea that is what happened when you 'grew up', your imagination just suddenly becomes crippled to where you can only take what you see on tv and go 'Omigosh, what if this happened?!'.
No more adventures when you close your eyes.
No more fairies watching you from under the leaves.
No more dragons in the clouds.

I will say I probably lasted longer than most 'grown ups'.
And I'm still trying to fight the mundanity.

I like to think... if I could escape my mother... and breathe in that desert air that I miss so much, it may heal me bit by bit.
But then, I may be beyond repair.

I see so many pretty things, but I'm already turning around to myself saying "Well you'd just look silly in that. Besides, you've nowhere to wear such frills."
But there's still a voice, though hushed, that retorts that I didn't used to care, why should I now?
Even sillier yet, I want to start making such things.

One of the first projects I want to work on is a half apron with a pocket large enough for my rabbit, Alice.
Interacting with her is difficult for me since my skin disagrees with too much contact with her.
But I want to get her used to being around people. Especially since she lost Tribble, whom she grew up with.
So, I figure toting her around in an apron pocket would be a good way to keep her company.
She'll probably hate it at first, as will I since I dislike forcing animals to be where they don't want to be.

Speaking of animals... I worry about Boog, my cat.
Lately, all she seems inclined to do is stare out the front windows of the house.
There's no real reason for this. And she had never done it before. And she's TERRIFIED of being outside any further than crawling under the back porch.
But hour after hour, she just sits and watches the world out the window, or sleeps under them tucked behind the couch.

It's after 2 in the morning now. I suppose I should let my unsettling dreams take me for a while.